To be a jedi
by Clarlie
Summary: 200 years before the TPM begins. His name is Kellian Sandalian and his dream was to become a Jedi knight. But sometimes dreams appear to be too hard to achieve. Will he be strong enough to fight the destiny and find the lost ways to the Force?


**To be a jedi**

**Chapter 1. Dreams about the Past.**

Gigantic hall was filled by morning sun rays. A lot of people and not-people-alike creatures were crowded here. There weren't an empty place here. Only one small circle in the middle of the hall was almost empty. There was a man in a simple brown robe with short hair of dark sand color. Only one strand of his hair was long – it was a thin braid that had to be gone soon – the other man – who looked like elder - was cutting it. His clothes were similar to the younger one. The first one was in his twenties while the man looked like he was 40. Finally everything was over and the younger one raised his head and stared at the elder one with his grayish-blue eyes. The elder one smiled.

"Congratulations, knight Kellian," he said.

The younger smiled looking at the crowd. Joy, eternal happiness – these feelings were overwhelming like the Force. He wanted to divide it with others. Everybody was clapping and…

"Jedi Sandalian!" somebody's voice snapped him out of this idyllic picture.

"I'm not a Jedi, I'm Jedi knight!" Kellian roared waking up. "Dream…it was just a dream?" he rubbed his eyes with his hands and looked around. Yes, he was right. He was in the room much smaller than the hall in his dream and nothing seemed to be alike except for one person who now was watching him smile in her face. It looked like she was enjoying the scene much.

"Tamira," he made an awful face. "Nobody told you it isn't very polite to enter anybody's room while he is sleeping, didn't it?"

"I'm sorry," she answered shaking her head. She was tall, with long black curly hair and very beautiful. "I just can't resist while passing by. You are so funny!"

Kellian shook his head in despair trying to distinguish the remains of his dream in his memory. He looked like different than in his dream – the whole body was tighter, the hair was longer somewhere near his shoulders, without a braid and the bright eyes in reality were dull.

"Is it a visit for the sake of politeness?" he asked shaking his hair his voice full of challenge.

"No," she shook her head. "You don't have classes today so you sleep till the noon. Meanwhile the Counsel meeting has already finished."

"Early birds," young man laughed. Without any shame he came to the wardrobe and pulled out his trousers.

Tamira turned around hiding blush on her cheeks.

"I'll wait for you behind the door," she said and went out.

A few minutes later Kellian joined her outside his room. She offered him to walk with a gesture.

"How are you, Kell?" she began.

"I'm just great, thank you," he laughed. "Everything is great. I have a room to live, work to do – everything I could dream about!"

"How is your class?"

"They are ok," Kell shrugged. "I don't think anybody of them really likes Galactic laws but they will need it."

Tamira nodded.

"I'm agree with you. You do well. Children show a lot of knowledge in this field, it's just…"

"It's just what?" Sandalian continued for her.

"They are surprised with your appearance," the girl smiled. "All their teachers wear robes while you alone don't fall in this rule although you are Jedi too."

Kellian face became darker.

"Children should understand that not everyone in the galaxy wears robe. As soon as they understand it, that there are more ordinary people that Jedi in the world it will be easier for them to live."

"You talk like a wise man," Tamira lowered her head and looked at him attentively. "You know, Sandalian, if you weren't so dumbass you could already be in the Council."

Hair flew all over his shoulders – Kellian shook his head.

"You know, I don't need it," he said in a small voice.

"It's you weakness," she raised her head. "You live in the past but you can't change it. You should understand it. But it's not the real purpose of my visit."

"So why did you come?" Kell looked at her in surprise.

"We were discussing an important business at the meeting," Tamira began.

"Like always," he muttered receiving an angry sight.

"Did you hear the latest news?" she asked.

"I was sleeping." He smiled tiredly.

"Murder happened. At the Tora planet in Roick system a jedi knight was killed," she said.

Kellian opened his mouth. Then he closed it and opened again. He didn't have words to describe his feelings.

"But…nobody can kill the knight!" he finally declaimed. "It's not true! How could it happen?"

"He was on diplomatic mission," Tamira said. "He was found in the mountain district near the hotel he staid. There was a fight as it looked like. He was killed with a lightsaber."

"He was killed with his own weapon!" Kellian's brows rose.

Tamira shook her head.

"The was another weapon. Different crystals, different length…powerful weapon."

"Somebody of this district?" Kell asked.

"The killer was a perfect lightsaber fighter," the girl concluded. "It looks like he was killed by fully trained Jedi knight."

Kell shuddered. There were thousands of questions in his head like "How?", "Why?", "Who?" and he couldn't spell any of them.

"Koruscant's Council sent a Jedi knight at the planet," Tamira said. "To investigate this matter." It looked like she must tell the whole story no matter what. "They also demanded a man who knows something about Tora's etiquette, traditions. Diplomat. They need it in order somebody tries to make juridical obstacles to the investigation. So I remembered about you, Kell."

Young man's sight was full of thought.

"No, I can't," he muttered. "I have a class here."  
"They will wait for their teacher for awhile," Tamira cut.

"Look, it's an honor, I understand, but I can't really," he started again.

"I explain for an hour to the Council why you are the best and now you refuse!" she looked at him with offence.

Kellian shrugged.

"I think there are a lot of other candidates willing to participate."

"You need this trip," Tamira insisted. "You don't understand how much you need it!"

"Maybe you'll enlighten me?" Kell asked his voice full of irritation. He felt tired of this talk.

"You should change the place. You can't breath in these walls, I see it," her voice was sad. She blinked and said the thing she wanted to say during all their talk. "You should reconcile with your past."

Kellian looked at her with stunned sight.

"Where did you get a thought I have problems with that?" he asked with surprise.

Tamira's smile was sad.

"You see the same dream almost every night – the dream where you become a jedi knight. And you don't want to wake up of this dream."

Kell winced like she hit him.

"You train yourself again and again in the gymnastic room," she continued meanwhile without remorse. "You are good at lightsaber fighting – yes, I know that, that you didn't give up it forgetting about the rules," she answered to his astonished look. "But you feel that you have lost something important, something elusive that sneaks out every time you come closer."

"The Force," lowering his head Kell clarified.

"Yes, the Force," Tamira repeated. "You couldn't control it since the time when…" she stopped not knowing what to say. "Since the time you were refused."

Kellian turned back looking somewhere far away.

"Sandalian," Tamira began. "I insist, I beg you to accept this mission. Otherwise you'll break."

"Don't you afraid of me not coming back?" he smiled.

"I'm almost sure it will happen this way," she revealed.

"Just great," Kellian laughed. "You just decided to get rid of me."

But Tamira's face was serious.

"You continue joking, Kell," she warned. "But you don't understand you go further of your aim with every day. Where do you go – that's the question? Are you going to the simple civillian's life or to the dark side? Think about that," and she went along the corridors of the temple leaving him alone with his thoughts.

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The lightsaber flashed along the room here and there creating an impression a group of initiates working in the gymnastic room. But it was only Kellian Sandalian training. He turned his lightsaber creating beautiful difficult moves. Here he attacked then moved back, here he slashed and stabbed imagine opponent with his weapon. But his thoughts were far away.

There, in corridor, he ran to Tamira. It looked like the question itself surprised even him.

"Who is this jedi knight investigating the crime? Is he from Coruskant?"

Tamira nodded.

"You know him. His name is Mervin Torik."

"Mervin Torik," this name resounded again and again in his ears meanwhile he kept on moving his lightsaber biting his lips feeling the pain. Not the pain of overworked hands and legs but the pain of remembrances.

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**7 years ago.**

"Kellian, you hold your lightsaber too low. It's too dangerous. Your opponent can pierce you," old master said looking at his pupils' training.

"Foolish Sandy!" somebody from the last line of pupils muttered.

The teacher stopped searching with his eyes the source.

"Lokart," he squinted. "If you want to tell Kellian something maybe you should do it face to face in an honorable fight not behind your friends' back?"

Lokart frowned. He knew that Kellian is stronger despite of his latest saying.

"Come here, Lokart," the teacher ordered. Jedi master wasn't young. His hair was already gray but in his eyes save for the wisdom reflected internal strength and boldness.

Lokart slowly went to the center of the room. Kellian was already there.

"On count three," master ordered. "One…two…"

Lokart attacked before the signal. To win – was his only purpose but in some mystical way Kellian was able to avoid the fatal blow. He dodged like something told him about this strike in a second before it.

"Good enough," Lokart admitted attacking him again.

Kellian parried without saying a word. He knew Loki's tactic – firstly he talks then strikes in his back. No, enough, he is prepared for this now.

Kellian turned Lokart's lightsaber with his own and blinding sparkles flew all around. Competitors making a few more clashes reversed their places.

Awful smile appeared on Lokart's lips.

"You can do everything you want, Kellian," he said. "But I'm the winner anyway. Honest guys aren't lucky. You are too straightforward and stupid, Sandy."

"Never," Kellian lowered his lightsaber ahead Loki in such a way it was really hard to parry it completely. "Do you hear me? Never call me Sandy again!"

"Well, " Lokart laughed. "I shall call you ninny then. I heard you crying that it will be your birthday in a few days and you will never become a jedi knight!"

"I shall be!" Kellian blocked another strike.

"No, you won't," Lokart answered him with attack. "As for me I shall be the knight! I have all the characteristics for this while you…there is no knight in the world who would like to take you as his padawan!"

Kellian began to boil somewhere inside. To destroy this peace of hate right now was the only one he wished. Just raise your lightsaber higher, higher…" and Kellian turning his lightsaber with its handle and deactivating it just kicked with it the nose of his rival.

Lokart screamed dropping his sword. He held his nose with both his hands blood all over them.

The teacher rushed to him.

"Step back!" he shouted at Kellian who just stared in panic all around not clearly understanding what he has just done.

The teacher brought crying Loki to the left side of the room and with a single move of his hand stopped the blood.

"Go to the healers. Quicker." He ordered.

Lokart nodded and went out of the room.

Kellian kept standing in his tracks now realizing what he had just done.

"Lesson is over," the master told to his pupils. "Kell, you are staying here."

Sandalian who rushed to the exit together with the others froze.

Jedi master closed the door and looked at him attentively.

"What did you feel when you did it, Kellian?" he asked.

Kell shuddered. He didn't like the tone of his teacher's voice.

"Satisfaction," he whispered. "I wanted to do it. I wanted to punish him. Something inside me told me I must do it."

The teacher shook his head.

"You know, Kellian, that it was the dark side? When you did it you appeared at _that_ side of the force! What did you feel?"

"Power," Kell whispered in shock. "The feeling of all-mightiness that I can do everything I want with him."

"It's the first step, Kell. The first step to the dark side, boy." The teacher looked at his face attentively. "He made you angry. Why?"

Kellian lowered his head.

"Because he was right. Nobody of the knights doesn't want to take me as a padawan, I shall never become a jedi knight."

"Maybe," the teacher nodded. "Maybe it will happen that way," and something inside Kellian's heart squeezed. "But it will be much worse if you turn to the dark side being a fully trained jedi knight. You are too explosive, pupil. So nobody wish to take you as a padawan, do you get it?"

Kell lowered his head once again.

"So I shall never become a jedi knight?"

The teacher smiled.

"You will have a chance. But it will be the last one. In a few days there will arrive a jedi knight. He wishes to take a padawan. If you can prove yourself valuable for this maybe one day you'll become the knight."

Kell smiled. He will do anything. He will can…

"Go," Jedi master ushered him. "And consider what you did today. It should never happen again, do you get it? It's not too bad you know the dark side now. It will be easier for you to recognize it and not being afraid of it. Just don't turn there again. Never."

Kell coming to the door turned around.

"I promise, teacher. I swear I shall never turn to the dark side of the Force. I promise I shall fight it for all my life!"

The teacher shook his head with a sad smile looking at Kellian leaving the room.

"I don't know if you become Jedi knight one day," he told to himself. "Actually it's not important. With these words you proved you have always been him and will stay him forever."

Kell smile over his face went to his room.

Nobody noticed the dark shadow flickered from the closed door along the corridors of the temple.

At the dinner Kellian was met by unfriendly silence. The boy sat at his table without hesitation. He was glad because he knew about the jedi knight's arrival and nobody was able to make his mood worse.

"Here is our Sith," a boy from the next table laughed. He was Loki's friend. As for Lokart he was sitting at the same table with his nose bandaged and all his face radiated with disgust.

Kell's eyes flashed in dangerous manner but he continued eating.

"No, you should stop telling him things," with humorous fear continued the second boy. "I heard the Siths can kill with their sight."

Kellian's sight at this moment would kill anybody if he could but he continued eating.

At last Lokart began. He stood up and came to Kellian looking at him.

"You fought like a country boy," he hissed. "It's their style to use ligthsaber like it's a simple stick. Don't be so proud you won this fight – I swear I won't let you do it anymore."

Kellian squeezed his palms into fists under the table and stood up himself looking at Loki from the height of his figure.

Lokart was a light-haired lively boy not very tight with wise and stubborn face. Compared to well-built Kellian he looked like a kid in his 12th.

Kellian lowered his head.

"I want to apologize. My actions… they were rude and unworthy for a jedi initiate. I'm really sorry and I swear I shall fight honest next time."

Lokart's eyes were somewhere higher than they have used to be.

"To forgive? You?" he shouted with a fear. He turned around and ran to his table.

Somewhere inside Kellian smiled in victory. With one stone he killed two birds – first of all he did the right thing and apologized and second, he made Loki feel uncomfortable.

He sat and continued eating now cold dinner. Kell almost could see the jedi knight arriving to the temple; he could see himself fighting with the other initiates and feel the sight of the jedi knight and finally – with a thought about this he felt a smile appearing on his lips – the jedi knight will offer him to be his padawan.

Kellian finished his dinner and stood up. In his thoughts he has already made a plan – he will spend this evening in training room. Suddenly he felt uneasy and almost fell.

"Well, looks like it's a bad idea to think about anything at the same time," he thought.

He made another step and he felt like he is drowning in the air like it's a bog. He felt like he can't move anymore. One step looked like eternity for him. Looking around Kellian felt the world around him is starting to dissipate. The last thing he remembered was a light spot and then everything went dark…

One eternity have passed and then another one. Finally something began to change. The darkness disappeared and the light came to his eyes. Kellian opened them with effort. It felt like Tatooine's desert were placed somewhere inside his mouth and his body…like it was tied for months. He looked around. He was lying in white room different medical equipment all around him.

Somebody entered the room and in a few moments when Kellian's sight focused a little he recognized his teacher. Jedi master came and sat nearby.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Water…drink," Kellian whispered.

The teacher took a glass of water and gave it to him carefully.

Kellian felt better just after the water touched his lips and asked the question at the same moment.

"What happened?"

The teacher shrugged.

"Local infection common for this place. Fever."

"That was unexpected…" Kell whispered.

"It was very serious. We didn't know how to heal you. Everything was useless but one day you just started getting better."

Something inside Kellian's head began to panic. He asked the question and felt he didn't want to know the answer.

"How much time did I spend here?"

"Two weeks," the teacher answered.

The world began to tremble around Kellian again when he raised on his elbows his face full of horror.

"Two weeks! So I'm 13 already!"

Jedi master nodded.

"You spent your birthday in coma."

"What about the jedi knight?" Kellian whispered in despair.

"He left." His teacher answered.

"Did he choose a padawan?" boy asked.

"Yes, he chose Lokart," he heard the worst possible answer.

Kellian felt like something hot fell on his chicks from his eyes. He sniffled.

"Kell, I tried," the teacher began. "The Council doesn't want to hear it. It will create a precedent, they said."

"That means," Kellian whispered out of his breath.

"That means…after you're getting better you will be sent to the diplomatic academy to learn Galactic law. Kellian, it's really great. It was the best. We understand it's not easy for you…"

Kellian turned around and hid his face in pillows. He didn't want his teacher seeing him crying.

"Please, leave me," he asked in a small voice. "Let's talk about it later. Now…now I just can't…"

The teacher nodded and went out of the room closing the door. Sorrow and understanding were in his eyes. But Kellian didn't see it. His heart was full of despair.

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Few days after that he will come back to his room and find among his things Loki's triumph letter. It will hysterics and despair back to him. He'll decide to become a jedi knight against all the rules and will continue his lightsaber training. But it will be useless. He will understand he can't control the Force anymore and it will be the end.

He will know the name of jedi knight who came to the temple – Mervin Torik – and his face will haunt him in his dreams for long 7 years.

He will forget about Jedi while studying at the diplomatic academy and will be surprised to receive an offer to become the teacher of law at the far planet called Jempai. And he will be surprised with his own actions when he accepts this offer.

He doesn't know that so much will happen between his first training and the last one – in the Jedi temple at Jempai and that he will cut these strings attached with just one word.

"Agree," Kell said coming to Tamira during the dinner. "I shall fly."

"That's good," she smiled. "I knew and prepared all the documents. You are flying away tomorrow moning."

"Was there a lot of disappointment people at the Council?" he asked with a smile.

"Enough," she answered without clarification.

"My task?" he asked.

"To consult the knight about local matters. To help him if he asks. I think you will clear it at the place. You will meet on the spaceship. "Vigilant" is its name. It will land at the place you need, Tora's spaceport."

"Jedi knight," Kell felt the question stops somewhere inside his throat. "Will he be with his padawan?"

"He doesn't have one," Tamira cut. "I won't say anything more, Kell. He will tell you if he likes. Prepare for the leave and…" she kissed his cheek. "Good luck," with these words she left Kellian full of thoughts sitting at his chair.

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The last preparations didn't take long. There was a problem with one thing. Kellian hesitated if he should take the lasersabre. He was standing in his room turning the stolen weapon in his hands not knowing what to decide.

"If they find it…I shall have big problems," he thought.

From the other side he felt unarmed without the lightsaber. So after a moment of hesitation he put the metal cylinder inside his clothes.

Kell worn his common clothes again. No more robes. He is incognito now. But…and he put one robe in his case finally.

That was all. All the clothes were put in his case and Kell closed the case. He took it and went out of the room – his home for long two years.

Exiting the temple he felt a fresh breeze and sleeked his hair a little. He took the mission he knew almost nothing. He was going to meet the man who haunted his dreams for the last 7 years. For the first time in a long time Kellian didn't know what can happen with him tomorrow and to his surprise it was a pleasant feeling. So he inhaled the air of the far Jedi planet for the last time and went to the space boat.


End file.
